Silence...

I've thought about this post for weeks now....

...not sure if I wanted to put it up or not.

But, in the end I kept feeling a huge desire to speak up about what our little family is going through and accept that this stage of our life needs to be acknowledged as part of our journey together.

After the surgery that saved my life, it became increasingly clear that building our family was not going to be as easy as it once was.

Recent visits with specialists have confirmed what we feared, and we've been coming to terms (aka: dealing with all of the insane emotions!)

with our new situation as an "infertile" couple.

Our case is not the darkest, we still have hope, our road hasn't been the longest

(it's almost been a year now),

and we don't know how much further we have to go, but I am AMAZED at the strength I have found in the couples we have met (or "met" through blogs/message boards), and the strength we have found in each other.

One of the women I admire (and who has been through SO much more then anyone I know) recently pointed out that infertility is a silent condition.

Not only is it incredibly personal, it tends to bring out the WORST feelings

(oh dear....anger, jealousy, bitterness, depression, hopelessness...)

and so those of us who are struggling with it do our best to tamp down our demons, hide our emotions, and simply don't discuss what we are going through.

Everyone has to deal with their diagnosis in their own way....but, true to form, this is my way.

I choose to talk about it. =)

So, I probably won't be posting about our struggles on a regular basis.

(my poor family already has to listen to me go on...and on...and on...and on...)

And, I promise to NOT use our little family blog as my soap box of bitterness,

(...and on...and on...and on....and on....)

but as I chronicle our daily adventures, I felt like it was important to dedicate an entry to this... (one of the hardest things we've had to deal with)

...and to remind myself that I am not alone in wishing for a warm,tiny, blanketed bundle,

for a sibling to share Ezra adventures with,

for another pair of dirty hands to wash after art projects,

for another wispy haired head to kiss at night,

for another little heart full of love.

And, adding my voice to those who are already out there vocalizing their struggles, makes me feel even less alone.