Peter Pan goes to school....

We've waited...and waited...and waited for this day!

One of the first things Ezra said when he woke up this morning was,

"Halloween Party!!!"

Oh!

I totally remember that feeling of being so excited to wear my new costume to school and show it off to all my friends!

Quick as we could, we ate breakfast and headed out for preschool.

On our way down in the elevator he inspected his belt and tunic and quietly said,

"I look goooood."

HA HA HA!

I tried my best not to giggle because he was so obviously talking to himself.

First up, free play, did you know that Peter Pan loves cars?

I totally didn't, but Ezra was kind enough to share that information with me.

Of course, we needed to spend a little time in the kitchen/dress ups.

He tried to get into the fireman costume, but when I pointed out that he was already dressed up he said,

"well, don't you worry about that(his new favorite phrase), Peter Pan can be a fireman too!"

Hmmmm....sound logic I guess.

Next, it was circle time.

Notice how earnestly he's listening?

He SO wants to be chosen to hold the itsy-bitsy-spider.

Ha!

Not like he isn't already holding a giant stuffed cat or anything. =)

We sang songs, and read pumpkin books....

....and then the real fun began!

The costume parade/trick-or-treat through the office!

Ezra made sure his best friend "J" was right by his side.

Ohhhhhhhhhh.

Every time I see these two together it melts my heart.

She's a little firecracker and he does whatever she tells him to!

SO DANG FUNNY!

After gathering a bag full of treats we returned to the room to find ANOTHER Halloween treat waiting for us!

(p.s. he held this pose for a good minute....just so you could see how excited he was!)

Three minutes after we cleaned up, the sugar hit.

And it hit.....HARD!!!!

I finally just sat back and watched it happen....there was NO stopping this whirlwind!

But, as soon as the instruments came out he was right back on the rug staking out his spot as the designated cymbal man and listening to teacher Fabiana again.

Don't you love classroom parties??

Here's to the first of what I hope are many enjoyable celebrations at school. =)

Off the grid

Once a week the Downtown San Mateo Association closes off a section of the Cal train parking lot and invites in 8 food trucks

(vendors rotate each week)

to serve AMAZING food at crazy good prices.

We've seen it going on for a while now...Ezra and Talin even tried it once...but we decided that THIS was the week we'd be eating street food on a curb for our FHE dinner. =)

Poor Ezra spent the day snuggled on the couch fighting off an AWFUL croupy cough and sad little laryngitis voice.

I tried to cancel our adventure but he was so upset about it, he cried.

AWWWW!

He was dead set on walking down to meet Daddy...our compromise was to bundle him into the stroller

(not a particular favorite of this independent almost 3 year old)

so that he could calmly sit back and just enjoy the view.

(p.s. Rachel those are TOTALLY Kai's leggings! I can't even count how many times I've looked at them and thought "man I need to send those BACK!" Sorry my friend! They will make their way home one day, I promise! )

We had butternut squash soup, macaroni and cheese spring roll, crazy gooey cheesy fries and tacos, and homemade twinkies.

(The alliance has nice chairs out for everyone to sit in...Ezra just wanted to relive his Disneyland days of eating on a curb)

Of course, the favorite food of the night...

...as decided by our whisper quiet sickey...

...a smores cupcake from Kara's.

That's right...smores...complete with graham cracker bottom, chocolate cakey center, browned marshmallow creme as frosting, and a button of milk chocolate on top.

It's pretty much the only thing he ate happily...but then again...smores are synonymous with happiness in my book too. =)

Silence...

I've thought about this post for weeks now....

...not sure if I wanted to put it up or not.

But, in the end I kept feeling a huge desire to speak up about what our little family is going through and accept that this stage of our life needs to be acknowledged as part of our journey together.

After the surgery that saved my life, it became increasingly clear that building our family was not going to be as easy as it once was.

Recent visits with specialists have confirmed what we feared, and we've been coming to terms (aka: dealing with all of the insane emotions!)

with our new situation as an "infertile" couple.

Our case is not the darkest, we still have hope, our road hasn't been the longest

(it's almost been a year now),

and we don't know how much further we have to go, but I am AMAZED at the strength I have found in the couples we have met (or "met" through blogs/message boards), and the strength we have found in each other.

One of the women I admire (and who has been through SO much more then anyone I know) recently pointed out that infertility is a silent condition.

Not only is it incredibly personal, it tends to bring out the WORST feelings

(oh dear....anger, jealousy, bitterness, depression, hopelessness...)

and so those of us who are struggling with it do our best to tamp down our demons, hide our emotions, and simply don't discuss what we are going through.

Everyone has to deal with their diagnosis in their own way....but, true to form, this is my way.

I choose to talk about it. =)

So, I probably won't be posting about our struggles on a regular basis.

(my poor family already has to listen to me go on...and on...and on...and on...)

And, I promise to NOT use our little family blog as my soap box of bitterness,

(...and on...and on...and on....and on....)

but as I chronicle our daily adventures, I felt like it was important to dedicate an entry to this... (one of the hardest things we've had to deal with)

...and to remind myself that I am not alone in wishing for a warm,tiny, blanketed bundle,

for a sibling to share Ezra adventures with,

for another pair of dirty hands to wash after art projects,

for another wispy haired head to kiss at night,

for another little heart full of love.

And, adding my voice to those who are already out there vocalizing their struggles, makes me feel even less alone.

Think of the happiest things...

Honestly....I'm getting more and more excited for Halloween as the days tick slowly by.

I'm working on version #3 of Ezra's costume....but here's a little sneak peek!

EEEEEE!

Oh how I love that dimpled Peter Pan!

It begins...

Mom this one is for you. =)

This Sunday was my first week in Primary...

...since I was a Primary child myself.

We're talking close to 20 years!!

HA HA!

I'm so excited about my calling as the new chorister but I have a lot....

...a lot...

...a lot...

to learn!

(and oh how I will miss my beautiful young women!!)

This was my introductory lesson to the 3-11 year old kids in my ward.

I told them we would be making one of my favorite fall time treats, caramel apples!

I donned one of my super-frilly, oh-so-girly, aprons then chose a sous chef from the "best singers" to come up and wear a kid size apron too.

I had my little helper pick a foam apple

(mixed in with some real ones for visual effect)

from the basket and handed them a "sticky stick"

(popsicle stick with double sided tape)

to spear it with.

The previous chorister was kind enough to give me a list of the songs the kids know

(what would I do without you Jessica!!)

so I'd written them down on the back of the apples.

The helper "lead" the singing kids with his/her foam apple on a stick...

..and when the singing was done he/she placed it in the "magic caramel pot".

Once we'd sung all the songs

(I was blown away by what good little singers they are!)

the caramel pot did it's magic...

....TA DAH...

"caramel apples"!

HA HA HA!

Oh what fun!

I'm really not kidding when I say I have a LOT to learn, but how can I not be excited about spending my Sunday singing and playing games? =)

Apples, apples, apples

I usually don't post about our home preschool adventures but we had such a fun week I wanted to share! =)

We've been learning about the letter A and talking about apples all week long.

We had apple snacks, played apple games, and did apple projects.

Ezra's favorite activity was this cutting/gluing project

(He made SURE that I knew he could cut and glue all by HIMSELF! HA!)

about the life cycle of an apple.

When he was done putting it together with me, he promptly jumped down from the table and marched to the front door.

"let hang it right here" he said.

Hooray for being proud of his work!

When Daddy came home that night he was so excited to explain all about how apples are born.

This weekend we headed out as a family to visit a REAL apple orchard.

Ezra was so excited!

About an hour down highway 1 Cal Poly runs an organic u-pick orchard with 15 different types of apples!

Who knew?

We dressed completely wrong!

It was 80 degrees at our house but 59 in this foggy secluded sea side orchard.

YIKES!

Poor Ezra was NOT a fan of the dewy plants brushing his bare feet...

..but once he picked his first few apples, he caught the spirit of our adventure and was off!

...in fact he became quite the fan of orchard exploring.

I love his face in this picture!

The apples were INCREDIBLE!

Fresh picked....crisp and crunchy, sweet and juicy....ohhhhhh delicious apples!

We were lucky enough to have a little docent with us willing to show us around the dwarf trees and explain all about how the apples had SEEDS inside them...

...but he was really more interested in running, laughing, and exploring.

Our bags filled up quickly, because we brought the world's best apple picking tool....

...6 foot 4 Talin!

HA HA!

He could reach the best fruit waaaaay up at the top of the trees!

Ezra's favorite discovery was the row markers labeling each variety ...

Watch his thought process here....I love it so much!

First he spots the sign...

...inspects the writing....

...and discovers that he KNOWS what some of those scribbles are!

He shouts out the name of the letters he's "discovered" and gets his high five pride.

HA!

He "read" the signs for a good five minutes.

It is so amazing to watch him grow up....I am literally blown away by how amazing the human mind is!

We enjoyed the beauty...

...filled our bag (11 pounds worth)...

...and collected a few special sticks

(does anyone else have a little boy who loves collecting sticks?)

Fresh fruit, fresh air, and family....doesn't get much better!

On our way home, we finally decided to visit Pigeon Point lighthouse

(we've driven by many times but never took the time to stop)

The lighthouse was incredible....but the view from the "back porch" was amazing!

Sea Lions dived and bobbed between the huge, crashing, waves and rocks.

Although it was chilly it was one of those beautiful places in Northern California that EVERYONE should see!

I'm so glad we finally stopped!

Back in San Mateo, it was time to plan for Ezra's Warm Fuzzy party!!

For the past two month's he's been collecting warm fuzzy pom-poms every time he does something helpful without being asked.

He caught on to this program so fast it made me giggle.

On the second day of our warm fuzzy adventure he noticed I was putting laundry away and decided to help.

He promptly picked up a stack of folded pajamas and followed after me saying

"I will help you Mommy!"

Awwwwwww!

So...after months of hard work, he turned in his full jar last night for the privilege of eating his favorite take out "picnic style" on the front room floor with us.

He was so so so so so excited!! =)

What a wonderful Saturday with my boys!

Headed home

The last day of our trip dawned with an overarching feeling of sadness.

I always get so melancholy at the end of vacations.

Someone once told me ( I think it was one of my favorite English professors) that the definition of melancholy is: thoughtful sadness...

...there really is no other way to describe my feelings at the end of vacation.

I think about how we don't get to eat out at fun places anymore...

...and I have to go back to figuring out meals....

...I think about how we won't get to see new and adventurous things every day....

...but, most of all, whenever I've been visiting my family, I think about how I won't get to see them, hug them, and be near them on a daily basis anymore...

...and it makes me...

...well, melancholy.

Once we got home, unpacked the bags, and returned to a regular routine however, I remembered how lucky I am in the life that we have here...

...and that thoughtful sad feeling tucked itself away in my mind...

...replaced with contentment.